Yep that’s right …..time to cheer up. A friend was harsh with me today but right. This stupid disease is winning. It is not only attacking my skin, organs and bones and meaning I have to take a cocktail of horrible drugs but it is changing me as a person. I am down, negative, feel like am hitting a brick wall constantly and am slowly giving in. Instead of wanting to take the kids to the park this weekend I wanted to rest and sleep. I aren’t allowed to go to the gym, worried about swimming because of the dizzyness. But am hopefully going to try it Sunday and see how I go. Just feel like everything is pointless.

Slimming world….another thing that feels pointless. Firstly I don’t want to go. It’s a Thursday night which is chemo day. By Thursday evening I just want to be in bed. Not sat in a meeting clapping every couple of minutes. My leader has been great but might have to look for another. Maybe a morning and take Finley??? Oh I don’t know.

The other problem is I don’t really want to eat.

Ok so this has to stop. I need to start finding some positivity again.

So I have been shopping, tomorrow I am forcing myself to eat 3 meals. Maybe if I force myself for a few days the sickness and loss of appetite will start to improve.

And I am going swimming Sunday, and I am going to enjoy it and not going to go dizzy.

Had a bad dizzy spell at work last night that lasted about an hour. In fact having one now which is probably tiredness. Awake all day yesterday despite trying to have a snooze, then all night, tried to nap while Finley at nursery but couldn’t get to sleep. Think I ended up with about 45 mins sleep. Not quite enough ha. So managed to have a full meal, tablets taken and in bed watching my 600lbs life. Bit of inspiration for me ha. Best sleep though seen as back at work tomorrow night . So my challenge to myself…….my next blog will be positive and about good changes 🙂