Just been talking on one of my support groups. There are just marriages and relationships ending constantly.

Ít does scare me. I have been with my husband 15 years. When Finley was diagnosed as being special needs we were warned the divorce rate for couples who have children with special needs is very high.

Then I was diagnosed and again warned divorce rates are high.

So basically we are screwed ha.

I have very little in the way of help. I aren’t good at asking for help or at accepting at. We do have someone having the kids overnight for the first time on Tuesday night so have booked a hotel. To spend some one on one time together.

We have never used childcare and have always worked around each order. Which basically means I work around him and work horrible hours. I currently work 24 hours a week, I am a full time mum and lose 2 nights sleep a week to manage that.

I do get snappy and horrible. It’s nobody’s fault but I get so fed up before work. Rob will come in and complain he had had a busy day and is tired. Well yeah so have I and at least you go to bed. I aren’t sure what he can do to be more understanding. I think I maybe deserve an award ha.

We have had a lot of crisis talks recently but have found the problems and how to fix them. He is applying for new jobs which may help. At the minute he can not even be 10 mins late if I need him. He cant attend my appointments or Finleys and I sometimes feel very alone.  He had to take a day off when I was really ill and collapsed a few weeks back. And all he gets is crap. So I understand its horrible for him. But I just need a bit more support. Hence he needs a new job. And for me I need to work out how financially I can cut down.

Anyway sleep is calling. The conversation on the support group but prompted me to put my thoughts down on here.

I an struggling to write and type though so that’s the next thing I need to look into.

Sleep time seen as been awake since 6.30 yesterday morning.

So hopefully we are trying. Have found the problems and are attempting to work together.

I don’t know what I would do without my 8 year old. She helps me and her brother when I am bad. Something that’s had to go on my disability application. As when he is in meltdown some days I can’t physically deal with him alone. She is amazing. I genuinely don’t have anyone I can ask to nip over when I am struggling. I make sure she still has her childhood though. Luckily she likes helping.