I am tired of having to prove myself to people. Had an occupational therapy appointment about the house today and so negative. I am diagnosed with 3 potentially 4 chronic lifelong incurable conditions yet I still feel like I don’t meet their criteria at these things.

The ot’s input was…..

We don’t want you to believe you are disabled and give you aids that make you stop trying

You should move, either to a bungalow or somewhere hot

Because you are overweight your aids will cost extra so we are reluctant to get you them

And then she looked at my records and questioned how I managed to walk even with crutches with the damage to my joints. Well maybe you should have looked at my records before your unhelpful comments. So I am awaiting rails outside the house, a toilet seat, a bath seat and a perching stool for the kitchen. Oh the excitement. I understand the country is currently over run with fraudulent claims and I am sure the ot’s see their fair share of scroungers but who in their right mind pretends that they struggle to get in their bath to take a shower without help. It’s not something that I am singing from the rooftops about. When I am depressed and in agony I can think there is always a bright side…..I got a free bath seat.

So that led to 40 mins of tears. It wasn’t even that the appointment was that harsh or that she wasn’t nice. It was just from being exhausted with the whole thing. As if it’s not enough that I am 35 and struggling to dress myself without my husbands help some days I have to go through this as well.

Then on Friday I need to go and fight my case for a Blue Badge after appealing the decision to turn me down.

In some more positive news I love rock choir. Struggled to focus and had some dizzy moments but generally really enjoyed it. So hopefully that is something that will help me through this hell.

Also before all this decided to rejoin slimming world. My son had speech therapy appointment on Tuesday and she was fab. Made so much progress with him and was so good with him. She can see him every Tuesday morning which is the same time as slimming world. So going back to my old one on a Thursday night and starting again. Forgetting my successes and failures in the past and now tomorrow is day one. In the past I have always succeeded by throwing myself in completely and doing a lot of hardcore workouts but obviously that is now not an option. So this is day one of following the plan 100% with occasional swimming when I am well enough.

It’s just a bad day. Tomorrow is a new one.