Feeling lost

So I got my car. Love it. So much easier but going to miss my old one. It will be so much easier, well has been easier. And since I got the new benefits we are comfortable again. First time since I went off sick again. It’s a great feeling.

Ordered some new crutches. Seen as they are now a permanent accessory I have ordered some red ones. Getting bored of blue. Next month I am adding green to the collection ha.

Had a lovely night watching my daughter in a panto. Well apart from an argument with my mum about us sitting with my dad as there were only three seats left on the front row. It may be selfish but it was MY daughter performing. Stairs are agony for me and my three year old wanted a good view at the front. So apparently despite the fact we paid all the petrol to pick her up she isn’t coming again. I don’t see why a little bit of happiness always has to be ruined. I know she reads this so will be in the wrong again. But it’s my blog and my feelings.

Feeling a little lost. Can’t accept medically retiring at 35. I want to work. I loved my job. Looked through open uni degrees but not sure my mind or body will let me do it. I can’t see any jobs I can do. I can’t walk more than a few metres without agony and I can’t even type as my hands are deforming with the disease. Wanted to start the jewellery business but my hands simply won’t. Have started colouring to give me something to do. I just need something for me. I love being a mum but that’s all I am now. I have never not had a job and hate it. Surely I can’t be completely useless. Well I hope not. I am actually a little scared about finley starting school in September. Have no idea what I will do.

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