Getting more blind

So my eyes have been failing me recently so went to opticians today and yes. My eyes that have been the same prescription for 25 years have got considerably worse. Optician said it could be either psa or fibro causing it. So new glasses ordered. On the plus side love my new glasses.

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I am loving the new car and it really helps. But today I took the kids 7 miles, came back for an eye test, picked them up and came back again and am struggling. I hurt so badly. This is definitely a bad pain night. And am still struggling with my diet. I am doing better which I am proud of.

I am loving doing some colouring and arty crafty things. But that’s how I noticed how bad my eye sight has got so it’s on hold until my new glasses arrive.

A little fed up today as a friend was meant to come and backed out at the last minute. I have always been a good friend who does the chasing and accommodated them. But in my current situation I just can’t do that. Two friends are amazing (Sarah and kelly) and constantly ask about how I am doing. I don’t want it to be all about me. I want to talk about their lives. I purely want a distraction from how terrible I feel and how much pain I am in. I am still struggling with all the changes in my life. Back on the waiting list for counselling again. I am happy to admit I am struggling. I want to walk. It’s such a simple thing that people take for granted. I was showing Rob tonight that I am struggling to pour diluted juice from the bottle. It’s pathetic. I need some fun. I desperately need some fun.

Took the kids to see santa yesterday. So relieved there were no queues and got straight in. The kids enjoyed it. It’s so important to do these things despite how painful they are and how much energy it costs me.

There is a spoons theory for people living with chronic illnesses. I will attempt to explain. A healthy person may have 40 spoons a day. Getting dressed uses 2. Making a meal uses 2. The school run uses 4. A shower uses 4. Coffee with a friend uses 4 etc etc. You have so many spoons to use during a day. A person battling chronic illnesses like myself may only have 10 spoons on a bad day. Just getting out of bed sometimes takes me 15 minutes. It’s a really common terms used on the support groups. You can get jewellery with spoons on and keyrings etc. It’s something I would love actually. Might have to treat myself.

But yeah I feel like I have less spoons to play with at the minute. Going to see santa used a lot of spoons and we came home and I ended up laid on the bed while Rob made tea. That makes me sad. The kids will never understand and I don’t think Rob does. Our weekends are rubbish at the minute. I put so much energy into things during the week such as school runs which most people take for granted so by the weekend I am exhausted. The school run is like climbing a mountain for me. I am very lucky to have a disabled space near the school but it’s still exhausting. I remember before all this and I was working really hard at the gym and you are doing 20 repetitions of something and by number 15 you are shaking and aren’t sure if you can do it. But you push through and you do it. On a bad day that is every step i take. Definitely need more fun to make the bad days easier.

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