It’s methotrexate day and I am struggling anyway. Got blisters all over my scalp. They keep bleeding and are so painful. It’s just a psoriasis side effect but it’s driving me insane. I can’t put my head on my pillow without it hurting.

One great thing today is new crutches. Invested in some smartcrutches and wow they are worth every penny. Am determined to get out of bed and try them properly this weekend. My joints are all so swollen and hot and painful. My hands have gone back to seizing and being like claws again. All my inflammation levels improved for a few weeks but back higher than ever now. Also have inflammation in my bowel now so waiting for more tests there. Awaiting a podiatry referral as well. The bones in my feet are twisting and walking is agony. I was starting to think I would be wheelchair bound within weeks but the new crutches have given me a bit longer so over the moon.

Am determined to get back to choir and actually go. I just have nothing to look forward to and I desperately need it. People don’t realise how hard this is. I get suggestions from helpful people about changing something in my diet or a vitamin that cured someone. Do people think we get this ill without spending hours and hours researching? I have looked into everything. And then I have become unsociable. Because what am I going to talk about?? Every single ounce of energy I have goes into my kids. Finley needs extra help as his social skills are getting worse so we need to look at more after school clubs and hobbies. Jess already does 4 a week. And then have the puppy who I love and is no hard work but still needs a walk up and down the street. Sometimes I just don’t want to talk. Because I would rather spend my but of free time reading and escaping from my life. But no one gets it.

I was meant to go to slimming world this morning but had diarrhoea (beautiful). So have faced facts that getting to the meetings aren’t an option and have joined online. Looking at obedience classes for the puppy you and looking at craft classes for me. But am aware my hands are getting worse so not sure if the crafts are a waste of time. Sorry this is a miserable blog today. Just having a rough time. Am in bed with Ben and Jerry’s though watching zombies on Netflix so I will stop whining and enjoy my treat night instead.